I took a class during my last semester at UT Austin called “Computational Brain”, thinking that knowing a little bit of computational neuroscience would allow be to tie some ounce of legitimacy to any ideas about the brain I spouted off later in my life. I figured that if I ever got a model to work, I would be able to point to some similar mechanism in the brain, and then say something along the lines of “Look! It’s biologically-motivated!”.

Rather, I ended up in a class with one of the funniest professors I’ve ever sat in with: Dr. Dana Ballard. I loved going to that class, and while I was in it I wrote down the funniest bits and pieces that he uttered, because I thought he was hilarious. Now he’s gone. I’m sure he’ll be remembered for his research and academic legacy, of which I know very little, but I’ll remember him for his great sense of humor and great lectures.

Anyways, here’s the quote list I saved:

“I used to go on a lot of dates when I was younger. I wanted to show off, so I just hoped they’d ask a question about the brain I could answer.”

“Running is like drugs. Half hour in, the chemicals hit, and you’re just gone.”

“Are you married? No? Then learn to dance. It’ll help you.”

Student: “Do you dance?”

“No, but my wife does.”

“I’m not trying to get you kids married but you sure need help.”

“If you can’t understand women, you’ll spend your life walking the streets crying.”

“You eat healthy? In Texas? Have you ever had a ribeye steak? No?!? Oh, what a shame.”

“The dean told me to not talk about politics in my classes because I’m old.”

“If I were in hell they’d make me golf.”

“Well, sharks don’t own property, so I don’t think they’re very smart.”

“It’s Miller time!”

Class is in silence

“…you know, like a beer. It’s time for a beer. Because class is over. That’s your cue class is over. Go drink something like a college student.”

“Instead of Miller time, do you all do marijuana instead? Maybe I should end class with marijuana time.”

“It’s common for children to go through an autistic period around 3 years old and grow out of it”

“This was published by German scientists in 1944. It’s really nice, considering that.”

“Starbucks time! That’s what I can use.”

Student: “Will a different TA grade my papers?”

“Why, do you plan to bribe them?”

“I used to go on airplanes and have a competition to get drunk as fast as I could.”

“My first job out of college was to test airplane engines. When there was a result that was deemed unsafe I was in charge of erasing the result. A bit of that and I decided… graduate school. No more industry.”